Barriers

I can’t hold you
I can’t smell you
I can’t kiss your dinky little feet

Beep, Beep Beep

Machines, Incubators, Tubes
They’re everywhere.This isn’t how it’s meant to be.

You’re still supposed to be inside – kicking my ribs
You never made that far before they took you from me.

I still remember that feeling when you used to stretch while inside.
Now I don’t feel anything, but only watch with my eyes.

I want to hold you
I want to smell you
I want to be your Mummy

But I can’t. Not yet…

Fiona

When my son was born 8 weeks early he was encased in a chamber. This wasn’t at all how I imagined motherhood would be like because there was a barrier that prevented me from being a mum and having that sort of relationship with my child that I desperately wanted to have. I wasn’t the one making the decisions, being in control. I didn't know what my role was and that was difficult.

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Hover or click for sounds of NICU (trigger warning)

My main job in NICU was to make and express milk. They would wake me up in the middle of the night to express because my prolactin levels would be high.