Room with a view
My daughter’s incubator was right next to the window of the NICU – so she had one of the best view across the city. It was the only thing that made me smile – how much a hotel would charge her for a view like that.
NICU felt really patriarchal
I remember standing by trying to see her as they tried to save her life. Then they sent me out of the room and I had to wait not being able to see anything.
First night
On the first night of my daughter’s life she was seriously unwell.
Two chest drains in my daughter's lung.
Dark times
The drains were the main reason I couldn’t hold her. Even now many months later the scars remind me of those dark days.
Torn
My heart, split in two
I felt my heart was split between my two daughters – by being with one I was letting down the other.
Memory of sunny days through dirty windows (of the pumping room), feeling the contrast of my situation. Anger that the days could be so beautiful when I was going through all that.
Death by a thousand cuts
You need to pump but there are so many women and no resources. I spend hours queuing.